The PC Workout
The best workout for your sex life is one you can do sitting down—without a lap dancer. Tweet
More frequent erections.
An increase in sexual endurance by as much as 50 percent—50!
Reduced or cured urinary-tract infections.
The PC workout is not just another nutty, sweat session for Wokesters. In this case, “PC” is short for pubococcygeus—the impossible name for the muscle that has more to do with your sexual happiness than any other muscle in your body, possibly except your brain—which, you know, is not actually a muscle. It just thinks it is.
That little stop muscle is like some hidden, magical force tucked up under your balls.
The PC is the central muscle in the cluster of muscles that give your pelvis a “floor.” It prevents all the stuff below your waist from falling out of your butt and ruining your new Tommy Hilfigers. It’s suspended, sort of like a hammock from front to back. It’s in a straight line when it’s fit—a condition doctors have found to be rare. The proper exercise of the muscle is a Kegel, originally intended to help overcome incontinence and used by ladies to provide the support they need for their innards. But back to you: keeping it in trim will help you enjoy:
- More frequent erections
- An increase in sexual endurance by as much as 50 percent—50!
- Reduced or cured urinary-tract infections
Simply finding the PC muscle will give you an intuitive understanding of how this works—grab a scalpel and follow this highly illustrated map:
Or you could just sit down on the toilet with your legs spread and piss—nobody will see. Piss like your mama; you’ll still be a man. Okay, piss. Stop. Piss. Stop. That PC muscle is the one you use to start and stop the flow of urine. Here’s a little story you can tell yourself, if you have trouble stopping:
New Jersey Turnpike around Exit Five: rest stop. You walk all the way to the end of the row of empty urinals, like a normal guy with a shy bladder. (“Ahh.”) Mid-slash, some guy slides into the next stall. You feel like he’s looking at you—because he is. Finally, he says, “So. How. Do. You. Like. America?” He pronounces each word slowly and carefully. You look down at your manly self and stop.
That little stop muscle is like some hidden, magical force tucked up under your balls. Hit it—stop—and hold it. Count slowly to five. Let ‘er rip. Stop again. Okay, go.
Now that you’ve found it, you can exercise it anywhere—on cars, boats and trains—even without pissing. Anywhere.
You exercise the PC simply by contracting it according to the following variations:
- “Flicks,” which are rapid, regular and best timed to a rave beat
- “Holds,” which are maximum contractions held for 10 seconds or so, relaxed for 10 seconds then repeated. Think Enya—but only fleetingly.
Exercise your PC twice daily for about 15 minutes per session, gradually increasing the flicks and holds as you progress. Start the first week’s program with five or six flicks, followed by five or six holds, followed by a half-dozen more flicks. You should work yourself up to the point of doing the same sequence 30 times apiece (30 flicks, 30 holds, 30 flicks). If you’re doing this on the bus into the city, count silently to yourself. (You’re welcome.)
Bonus: not that you should mention it out loud when you’re in bed, trying to please your girlfriend—or ‘partner’ if you’re a Brit or a gay cowpoke—and your arm starts to fall off, but women will find the PC exercise helpful in achieving orgasm(s) more easily. That means more quickly—just saying.
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