As far as late-middle-aged guys go, I think it is fair to say I am a “tough guy.” Don’t get me wrong: I know there are way-tougher guys out there—you might be one of them. I am not putting out a Pepsi Challenge for Mortal Kombat.  

I have a problem: I don’t fight smaller men; I try to stay in my weight and soul class.

If I were to meet a Joe Pesci type, I’d be perfectly willing to smack him—only if necessary. There are lots of small assholes trying to make it in a big-asshole world. (“Mr. P., I’m not referring to your fine work in My Cousin Vinny or your hilarious rendition of Leo Getz in Mel Gibson’s super, wicked-awesome Lethal Weapon trilogy.”)

Another problem: I don’t pick fights—particularly ones I know I can win.

Additional problem: if you are my size or bigger, I make it difficult for a good-sized chap who is testing the waters to walk away easily after he realizes I am going to leave a mark.

In a fight, my goal is to win—not to kick the bloody shit out of you. That is a distinction worth a legal difference. (You’ll still be able to go to work on Monday.) My adversary just needs to be slightly uglier than I (might) end up.

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In a fight, my goal is to win—not to kick the bloody shit out of you. That is a distinction worth a legal difference—you’ll still be able to go to work on Monday.

However, if I don’t know you—and fights with strangers tend not to happen after college—the risk profile is on red alert.

If an affable, level-headed Guy like me finds himself in the belligerent company of some less-affable guy projecting an unmerciful, animal-Viking vibe conducive to my life and/or loved ones’ lives being on the line if I lose—I will do everything in my power to bring about your unconditional, bloody surrender.  I am willing and able to out-Comanche a Comanche.

Read S.C. Gwynne’s Empire of the Summer Moon, to understand what we mean by Comanche. These warriors would stop at nothing for victory—the origin story of “Don’t Mess With Texas.” (The Texans out-Comanched the Comanches.)

My advice for the ages:

Get your kids into fighting smart when they’re young. Let them learn karate, kung fu or tae kwon do—it does not really make a difference. There are virtues to each.

Krav Maga (created by the Israel Defense Forces) ought only be taught to adult men and women of all ages.

When the young ones have some self-control and size, it’s time for Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu—the one martial-arts investment that just works. Get to blue-belt level in B.J.J,  you’ll know enough to pass life’s Lord of the Flies tests. Check it out in action:

[Credit: Top MMA 007]

Height and/or size doesn’t necessarily matter either, with a slightly taller opponent—as demonstrated below:

Was it really power hour if you didn’t get in a fight on the piss-soaked bathroom floor? pic.twitter.com/lWombEtc3g

— Old Row Oklahoma (@OldRowSooners) February 20, 2021

You can defeat almost any adversary, with proper training, technique and temperament.