The “Don’t Be a Dumbass” Diet
The "Don't Be a Dumbass" Diet: Eat more healthy food. Eat less shitty food. And get a little exercise every day. That's it. Of course, because you're not a dumbass you already knew all that. But if you're like most us, you know it but you don't do it. We're here to help. Tweet
Dean Karnazes went out for a run one evening...
...and didn't come home until it was time to eat a healthy breakfast.
He once ran 350 miles in 80 hours without sleeping.
To which we say, "At ease!"
We’re going to make it really easy for you to lose weight:
Eat more healthy food. Eat less shitty food. And get a little exercise every day.
Of course, because you’re not a dumbass you already knew all that.
But if you’re like most us, you know it but you don’t do it.
And here’s probably why:
- Eating less is hard.
- Eating more is easy.
- Eating shitty food is easy.
- Eating healthy food is hard.
- Getting exercise every day is boring or you just don’t have time.
We’re here to help, with our five-step “Don’t Be a Dumbass” diet:
To stop eating shitty food, stop buying shitty food.
RULE #1: YOU MUST STOP EATING SHITTY FOOD.
This is easy:
1. To stop eating shitty food, stop buying shitty food.
2. To stop eating shitty food, stand in front of a mirror and practice saying, “No” and “No thank you.” Then when someone offers you some shitty food, you say “No” or “No thank you.”
3. When you go to a restaurant, always order broiled chicken or broiled fish or a salad with broiled chicken or broiled fish. When the server asks if you want an appetizer, you say “No” or “No thank you.” When the server asks if you want dessert you say “No” or “No thank you.” When the server asks what kind of dressing you want on your salad you say, “Oil and vinegar, on the side.”
RULE #2: YOU MUST START EATING MORE HEALTHY FOOD.
This is easy:
Fruits and vegetables and nuts are healthy.
Lean meat and fish and eggs are healthy.
Unprocessed or refined carbs are healthy.
You can find a list of 50 healthy foods, including dark chocolate here.
RULE #3: YOU MUST START EATING LESS.
This is easy:
If you want to eat less, buy less food. Put less food on your plate. Eat more foods that make you feel more full, and avoid foods that leave you feeling hungry no matter how much you eat. Fat fact: 3,500 calories more than you need equals one pound of fat.
You can see a list of foods that will make you feel fuller here.
When you go to a restaurant, order a to-go container at the same time you order your meal, and ask your server to bring the to-go container before your meal arrives. Then put half your meal in the to-go container before you take your first bite.
RULE #4: YOU MUST EXERCISE MORE.
This too is easy:
If you don’t exercise at all, get started by always parking at the far end of every parking lot when you park so you have to walk further to get to your destination.
Next, train yourself (or set an alarm on your phone) to walk out your door ten minutes earlier for work, and then take a walk around the block before you start driving to work.
Once you start moving, you will naturally want to find things you can do to move more.
Here’s a secret:
Don’t worry about figuring out what the best exercise is…do the exercise you enjoy doing, so you’ll keep doing it.
Everytime you take a walk or get some exercise, mark it on your calendar.
It’s okay to skip a day, but never allow yourself to skip two days in a row.
RULE #5: YOU MUST KNOW WHEN TO ASK YOURSELF IF YOU ARE BEING A DUMBASS.
Every time you break one of the rules above, ask yourself:
* “Do I really want to lose weight?”
* “If so, Why am I being such a dumbass?”
For inspiration, read Dean Karnazes’s book Ultramarathon Man: Confessions of an All-Night Runner.
At one point, Dean was just like the rest of us; then one night he went out for a run, kept running all night, and his entire life was changed.
Since the night of that first run, he’s run across Death Valley in the middle of summer, run a marathon to the South Pole, and run 50 marathons in all 50 US states in 50 consecutive days. He once ran 350 miles in 80 hours without sleeping.
And when we last spoke a few years ago, he was not only still running but it had been years since he had eaten a single bite of shitty food; even on his birthday, he sticks to his 100% healthy diet and doesn’t take even a bite of his own birthday cake.
You don’t have to go to the same extremes as Dean Karnazes, but he’s a heck of a role model for the benefits of living a healthier life than you probably are living now.
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