Kevin Samuels: The Don Draper of Relationship Advice
Imagine a black Don Draper telling women the truth about what men really think. Not Hallmark myths that lead to unfilled dreams and unhappy lives, but effectual truths, the knowledge of which, just might help both sexes escape our shared sexual misery. Tweet
Samuel’s show has a Tarantino chill.
A Playboy after-dark vibe.
And real relationship wisdom.
A friend recently sent me an Instagram clip of Kevin Samuels. “Check him out,” he said, “an asset to the PlannedMan cause.” It left an impression. Have a look for yourself:
Before I jumped down the rabbit hole of this guy Kevin Samuel’s soul, I looked him up on “the Google.” Kevin Roshon Samuels was born in 1965—giving him a grey–eminence patina. Occupation: Image Consultant. His story: An above–average, high–net–worth, twice–divorced male opens an image–consulting and relationship–advisory practice on YouTube and Instagram, and it takes off—rising to 1.2 million followers on Instagram, 1.58 million on YouTube, and opening chat rooms only after 20,000 users had signed in.
The audience that he has built is not hate–filled—a divorced, men’s rights, Incel resentment–fest—but a show that succeeds in attracting and keeping a female audience.
Samuel’s show has a Tarantino chill. A Playboy after-dark vibe. The lighting is set on dim, chill jazz in the background, Red Bull in a crystal cut, rock glass; Samuels even lets his audience imagine what it smells like to be with him, sharing the experience of a scented candle or cologne.
And then there is Samuels the put–together man and growing legend. Imagine a black Don Draper, sporting a tight, Tom Ford look, telling women the truth about what men really think. Not Hallmark myths that lead to unfilled dreams and unhappy lives, but effectual truths that women—particularly black women—are unaware of, and which are part of the cause of their present, enduring sexual and social misery.
Sadly, on May 5th, 2022, Kevin Samuels—a rising somebody with something to say and agrowing audience—died of a heart attack. Cause: hypertension, a leading cause of death for black men in their fifties. Thankfully, Kevin left a body of work that continues to live on in the metaverse. I take this as evidence that what Samuels had to say did not cross the Andrew Tate lines of misogyny. (Just in case, someone should curate his best material).
My superficial, five–videos–deep take on Kevin’s value: His rap and show appear to be built on a well-known, scientifically studied, female mating and dating, selection profile: hypergamy, or as the old wives recommend, “marrying up.”
The basic idea of hypergamy is that women naturally want to date and mate up, for obvious, natural selection reasons. And they consider it “settling” to date and mate their equal. Samuels’sreference point is brutally female–centric. This, I think, is why he was so successful in developing an audience of women.
Samuels’s value is bringing market research 101 to the dating and mating conversation.
Samuels’s value is bringing market research 101 to the dating and mating conversation. Most women are chasing after few and fewer men, driving up their value in the sexual marketplace. Samuels’s question to women longing to land men they don’t deserve but think they deserve is simple, self-evident, and profound. What do you think the man of your dreams is looking for in a woman?
This is THE question, and it is greeted with the sound of crickets. It turns out that few women actively looking to trade up have given much thought to what a man with options—an un-equal, or even equal—is looking for in a woman. Asking and answering this question is what has been lacking and needed. Into this silence entered Kevin Samuels.
I have a better sense of my own thinking on the subject than I have on Samuels’s take. I am still wrestling with what Samuels has to say and how he says it. For example, I was taken off guard with his deconstruction of Tomi Lahren’s public service announcement on what high–value women like herself are looking for in high–value men. I liked it. This woman knows her comparative, outlier value and wanted the marketplace of outlier men to know what she—and her friends—are looking for in a high–value equal.
Hypergamy is not about equality. It’s sexual Darwinism. The opposite of the marry–up adage for women is for men to marry down and stay away from women willing to settle on an equal. While tragic, it explains a lot about Jennifer Anniston’s forever–single status and what poor Tom Brady is now going through.
Samuels’s style, substance, and success demand to be understood on their own terms. Sadly, this important, still–trending voice in the sexual conversation was cut short—but thankfully, he started the conversation, and it will go on. Let’s continue it, for the sake of Kevin Samuels and the cause that he served.
I’ll leave the last word to him: “You’ll never outperform your belief systems.”