Gutfeld: The reversible vasectomy will solve all our problems
Check out what Gutfeld had to say about our second sexual revolution in this video clip from Fox News! Tweet
GUTFELD: Can you flip the script with a little snip-snip? It might be the greatest idea in history: reversible vasectomies as a new form of male birth control. In a recent article in The Spectator — which is the magazine and not the guy outside my bathroom window — writer Guy Shepherd argues that with Roe v. Wade out, women will be asking more of men in the family planning department.
So, he urges dudes to freeze their sperm, then get reversible vasectomies younger in life, before kids.
Quote: “The best birth control plan for a young man and society is for him to harvest his youngest and best swimmers as early as possible, put them in a freezer under lock and key, and then get a vasectomy. The end. No unwanted pregnancy, no need for an abortion, fewer deadbeat dads. VD maybe; baby never.”
VD — what is that? Vin Diesel? And what’s Vin Diesel, the serial number of a truck?
But it makes sense and sounds like a win-win for everyone. The writer claims this could be even more transformative than the pill itself. Plus, think of all the kids who won’t have to be told they were an accident anymore. I always hated that. I just hope the freezers are on a generator. Accidental thawing leaves you with spoiled rotten kids. [Laughter] And if you store them in your own fridge, just be sure they’re away from the caviar.
I’m gonna end there.
Tyrus, if I were a parent right now, I would force my son to do this, like, the moment —
KAT TIMPF: He’s born!
GUTFELD: He’s born! Vasectomy now! [Laughter]
TYRUS: I’m going to take my 10-year-old in next week. Is there a time machine that could possibly — this is a great idea. The problem is, it’s going to affect a lot of TV shows. Because there’ll be no more teens, so you’re going to be upset, there’ll be no more teen wives. And basketball wives is done! There’s gonna be so many happy professional athletes out there, just living their best life. Oh man, if I could turn back the clock, I would have got the permanent one and lied and said it was reversible.
GUTFELD: Thank God your kids don’t watch, I think.
TYRUS: No. [Laughter] This is a great idea. I just hope this wasn’t — this technology hasn’t been around for a while because I’m gonna — I want to sue. Because I’ve been besmirched. [Laughter]
GUTFELD: Emily, good idea?
EMILY CAMPAGNO: Totally! Sure. What I thought was so weird about this guy’s whole persuasive argument is he said that, for this to happen, the difference will depend on women. Men are not organized, women are — without our leadership, he says, then this will never happen. So, the whole point of this argument is he was saying, ‘women, you need to rise up and force the men to do this. Moms, you need to fork over your credit card for your sons to do this.’ And I felt a little bit like ‘you do you.’
TIMPF: Yeah, men are not organized, and women are? I routinely lose just one shoe!
CAMPAGNO: There you go! See, why —
TYRUS: I agree with this. This is true. We won’t — we won’t do it. So, we need to be pushed. We won’t do it until we have one. Once we have that first child — and divorce, left, or whatever — then we’ll be along. We’ll be in the line like this.
TIMPF: No, men won’t do it because they like the way things are now. Where it’s all up to the woman to do everything. And if anything happens you get to go ‘she trapped me, she’s crazy.’ That’s what they do.
TYRUS: You know what, I’m not talking to you anymore.
GUTFELD: Leslie, what do you think of this idea?
LESLIE JORDAN: I kind of see an employment opportunity.
CAMPAGNO: That’s true. Is it too late for us to learn how to do one?
LESLIE: I can volunteer, you know, at the vasectomy clinics and do the assessment. [Laughter] Because there’s different kinds. ‘Just put it out, let me see it.’ [Applause] [Laughter]
TYRUS: Yeah, I’m not going. [Laughter]
GUTFELD: I can’t tell. Are you pro or con?
TIMPF: I think it’d be great. I don’t think they would ever do it. There was a male birth control being studied and then the study was stopped because there were side effects. Which definitely doesn’t happen with women’s birth control. It does by the way.
GUTFELD: I just think that it reduces so many risk factors —
TIMPF: It would be great. But i just don’t see anyone — most men doing it.
GUTFELD: Well, we’re just starting to talk about it now. What if there’s a groundswell of support? Right?
TYRUS: Yeah, I’ll get it — I’ll get a tattoo of it on my cheek. Get it done fellas. Wait ‘til you’re established, you know.
CAMPAGNO: It’s a little expensive, that’s the other thing. I mean, it’s what, $650 or something?
TIMPF: Yeah, kids are at least $800! [Laughter]
TYRUS: Let me see if I can, yeah, Emily, yeah. 650 dollars! [Versus] 100,000 dollars and 18 years under a bus with an evil person yelling at you, ‘where’s my check, where’s my check, did you send the check?’
CAMPAGNO: You should be the ambassador for this.
GUTFELD: You should be the spokesman for this.
TYRUS: I think this is a great idea.
GUTFELD TO JORDAN: And you could be the nurse. You’d be the greatest nurse ever.
Check out our Planned Man’s, Planned Manhood’s page for more—the future is in the freezer—wisdom.
To reach Guy Shepherd contact: [email protected]