The rules for men are like the laws of nature, but easier to remember because women keep reminding us what they are. Tweet
These are rules, handed down man-to-man, iPhone to iPhone...
...and now they are your rules, too. Live by 'em!
Editor’s Note: We all get gems over the global inter web. A friend shares something with a friend and it covers the country, like virus-free Covid.
This unattributed list is perfect for all the men among us.
We always hear the condescending rules from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules:
[Please note: these are all numbered “1” on purpose!]
1. Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don’t think you can change that. If you don’t want us to look, hide them behind your back.
1.Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1.Saturday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
Hardfast rule: Shopping is not a sport.
1.Shopping is not a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1.Crying is blackmail.
1.Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1.‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question you might ask.
1.Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1.Know when to get professional help. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1.Observe the statute of limitations in arguments. Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after seven days
1.If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
1.If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1.You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. But not both
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself
1.Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials
1.Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we
1.All men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is. Puce is probably disgusting. No puce
1.If it itches, it will be scratched. We can do that.
1.If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle
1.If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear
1.When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine, really
1.Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as:
1.You have enough clothes
1.You have too many shoes
1.I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1.Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
couch tonight, but did you know men really don’t mind that; it’s like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can – to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can – to give them an education
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