Happy Mother’s Day: Let The Family Review Begin
By Guy Shepherd
PlannedMan

Mother’s Day is a different sport from Father’s Day. Mother’s Day is the yearly family review. It’s the day when Moms sit back, mimosa in hand, and take stock in her maternal investment portfolio.

Happy Mother’s Day: Let The Family Review Begin

Highlights


Sons and daughters, Husbands of the world, we unite on this day to say, Thank you Mom.

Brunch reservations are going to be tight. Gentlemen, make one today

Mother’s Day is fast approaching. This coming Sunday we celebrate the hosts of human life and nurturers of needed souls, Mothers.

For married men, Mother’s Day is Valentine’s Day plus: A day not just for your mom, but also the love of your life and mother of your children. Brunch reservations are going to be tight. Gentlemen, make one today. You are being judged.

Every year when I’m asked what I want for Father’s Day, I say the same thing, “To be loved and left alone.” I’m not sure they think I mean it. I’m not sure I do, either. Mrs. Shehpard parries my ambiguity with a puckish demurral. “They don’t have what you want in your size,” she says.

Mother’s Day is a different sport from Father’s Day. Mother’s Day is the yearly family review. It’s the day when Moms sit back, mimosa in hand, and take stock in her maternal investment portfolio. And it’s not a surprise. We all know that this day is coming,

Mother’s Day is also a team effort. I’m very candid with my kids: “She is not my mother, she is yours.” That said, we are in this together. If the kids screw this up, it’s not good for dads. We rise or fall together. Dads are the wallets behind a positive family review.

Big questions, existential questions are being asked and answered on Mother’s Day, whether you know it or not. How are these humans that I brought into this this world, doing? Are they on the right track? Do they love —and appreciate—their mother?

Sadly, the answers to these questions are not always good. Even good kids can be selfish at times. This is why “Honor thy mother and father” makes it in the Top 10.  From the beginning, kids have been jerks at times to their parents.

Yes, there’s that old line, “I did not ask to be born.” That’s a line that belongs on the evil version of a Hallmark card and not one we should share with the adults who brought us into the world, whatever their motivations were at the time. But if we are not always nice to those who love us the most, the least we can do is remember that  Mother’s Day is more important than Father’s Day.

Kids flip the “Me, Me, Me” script.  The moment you pop out, it’s the “You, You, You” show.

Another thing: Women are Romantics. If you have had a kid, you know what I am talking about.  Kids kill Romance—and both parents resent you a little for what you did to them. Mothers more so.

Kids flip the “Me, Me, Me” script.  The moment you pop out, it’s the “You, You, You” show.

Let’s remember: Up to the point to giving birth to you, your mother and father’s life had been a process of becoming better humans to the cheers and support their parents and friends. Adults smiling, helping them rise, celebrating their milestones with graduation and engagement parties, weddings, and showers. Accomplish something, have a party that someone else pays for and you collect the checks! What a life!

That is until a baby is born, and just like that, with a flick of a switch— it’s no longer the “Me, Me, Me” show.

Postpartum Depression is not just a chemical thing. It’s natural to mourn the loss of the “Me, Me, Me” show. Boobs are no longer, pretty, fun bags. They are painful milk dispensers. That why it’s very important to bring your A-game to Mother’s Day!  You don’t want your mother looking at you saying to herself, or out loud: “I failed. All that blood, toil, tears and sweat for this selfish, ungrateful twerp.”

You don’t want your mother looking at you saying to herself, or out loud: “I failed.

And then there is the hex, “I hope you have a kid just like you.” I’ve always thought that was some cold, dark prayer, a real shity thing to say.  And to add insult to injury, your mom is going to do something, she didn’t do for you, and incentivize bad behavior by spoiling your kid as revenge for a bad Mother’s Day review. (Yes, I’m talking about grandparents, a subject for another day.)

If you have heard—or truer, deserved to have heard—such a fatwa from your mom, you owe to your mom to your best son or daughter on this one day. Don’t be an idiot. It’s one day.  Kiss her deserving ass.

Sons and daughters, Husbands of the world, we unite on this day to say, Thank you Mom. Thank you, my wife, my partner in creation. We love you. We appreciate you.

 

 

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